Science Says Frying Fatty Foods Makes More Rain

Telegraph and Fox both reported that a new British study concluded that frying fatty foods creates clouds which leads to rain. Which if you think about it, it makes sense, a British study about why it rains so much there. I mean, what else do they have to do over there? I was in London over the summer, and there's only so much one 17 year old kid can learn about snobby, british history. Anyway, these British nerds had the bright idea to see if frying fatty stuff had something to do with their forever crappy weather. Turns out, it has 10% to do with their always crappy weather. Thats right, according to them, in large cities like London, cooking fat is known to be responsible for 10 percent of small particles in the air. With that in mind, they concluded that it affects the weather and makes it rain more. Look, I know that's a really bad explanation but, if you want to learn more I'll link the study here. If you actually clicked on that, welcome back. If you were like me after you saw that abstract and had zero idea what they were talking about, just look at the original reports I cited, duh.

Anyway, I thought this was a given. Literally everything is fried in London, I would know since I went there once. So, I’m calling for a role reversal. Since California is going through a drought and England has too much rain, I say they switch eating habits and see how that helps each region. Ever since California started to become healthy and do all this “all natural”, “all green”, “all organic” malarky, they've been through a massive drought. England, on the other hand, has too much rain and can learn what real food tastes like. In the end, both sides win as English people stop being so miserable and California gets some much needed rain. So, next time you're in California and someone says something to you about eating fried food, just say you're just “helping the cause, and our planet.”

Kevin Ries